Relationships: Can we still be friends?

“CAN we still be friends?” Jessica-Anne Lyons shares the day she uttered those cringe-worthy words to a guy she’d known for years.

Normally, these articles are written from the point of view of the dumpee, but I can tell you, it sucks just as much for the one doing the heart breaking.

So here’s the situation. You’ve met somebody, gone out with them a few times and they’re your point of call whenever something significant happens in your life. But…. They’re just a friend. And you’re happy with it that way!

But what happens when the other half of the friendship begins crushing on you? I’m not saying this always happens, but I remember in high school I had this amazing boy friend (note the space) that I pretty much talked to every day.

Then he asked me out.

Looking back, all I remember is pulling out that humiliating line.

Being an oblivious high school girl, I went on the ‘date’ with him thinking it was just another catch up between platonic friends. I even invited one of my best friends along. Awkward. When I went up to the guy and he realised that I’d brought along what in his eyes was a third wheel, he looked utterly bewildered. It’s ironic now because they ended up dating each other for a few months a couple of years later, but that’s another story.

In the end, I had to tell him that I didn’t actually want to date him and just wanted to be friends. Looking back, all I remember is pulling out that humiliating line. I felt really bad because I knew that I’d really hurt him. But it’s a good thing I didn’t end up going out with him because he turned out to be quite the jerk towards me.

In hindsight, I would have handled the whole thing differently.

I would have told him that I was really flattered that he liked me the way he did. I would have told him I thought we had a really good friendship already. I would have told him I was sorry that I couldn’t return his feelings, but that he’d be a wonderful catch for someone who can really like him back.

I would have told him that I was really flattered that he liked me the way he did. I would have told him I thought we had a really good friendship already. I would have told him I was sorry that I couldn’t return his feelings, but that he’d be a wonderful catch for someone who can really like him back.

And then I would have whipped out the ‘Can we still be friends?’ line.

That last one is a joke. Never use that line. You may think you’re leaving the door open for your friendship to continue, but it’s really up to them if they want to see you anymore, as friends or not.

If they decide not to, it’s not your fault. It doesn’t always work out. I never ended up being friends again with that guy. It hurts to lose a good friend, but you can be a good friend to them by letting them heal in their own way.

And if they ever decide they want to be friends with you again, don’t use their feelings against them. No friendly flirting, playful touches or late night phone calls. Just consider yourself a lucky lady that they were willing to overlook heartbreak for you. And if this happens, hold onto him. That guy’s a friendship keeper!

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Have you ever used the ‘Can we still be friends” line? How did it turn out? Share your stories and experiences with us in the comments section below.